Da Bark Lurd Saga
Fiction
RCM Fanfic - Varyar: Da Bark Lurd Saga Episode 4
Nov 29th 2014
EPISODE 4 - in which the plot thickens
Although he was an international superstar used to wealth and privilege, Arnold was impressed with the bachelor pad Varyar had constructed. It was comfortable without being feminine, well-stocked with weaponry but not so much that it looked like an extremist compound. It was a good balance, and pleasing to the eye. He wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the legions of Internet fans waiting eagerly for Varyar’s arrival â€" hordes of scantily clad women would have made more sense to him â€" but he had to appreciate the usefulness of having both a high-quality telecommunications setup in the house and a worldwide network of tech-savvy allies at their immediate disposal.
To Arnold, crushing his enemies’ skulls with his bare hands was easy; deciphering the gibberish that was Tara Gilesbie’s epic saga made him want to crush his own skull. Fortunately, this Highlander fellow had sketched out a rough outline of the most important plot points â€" who was and was not a poser or a prep, a chronological listing of each character whom Snoop had raped, all the way up to the revelation that Enoby with her magnificent bobs was pregnant with Da Bark Lurd. Some of the intel seemed questionable; Arnold had personally met Albus Dumbledore once in the â€~70s and had a hard time picturing him screaming “motherfuckers†at a couple of whiney teenagers as reported in chapter 4, not to mention he had it on good authority that Draco was in fact dating Mary Sue. However, other passages, such as da Bark Lurd’s propensity for organizing and promoting concerts where he and his Death Dealers posed as members of My Chemical Romance, were frighteningly accurate.
Fiction
RCM Fanfic - Varyar: Da Bark Lurd Saga Episode 3
Nov 29th 2014
EPISODE THREE in which Varyar and The Governator encounter some action
*****
The chopper ride was extremely frightening, even to a former Marine.
Fiction
RCM Fanfic - Varyar: Da Bark Lurd Saga Episode 2*
Nov 12th 2014
EPISODE TWO: In which Varyar meets a great quasi-American hero and tries to make a sweet sale
The clock read five minutes to nine. It seemed like an hour since the minute hand had last ticked closer to closing time. Varyar had contemplated closing the shop early â€" this was the slow season, and he’d only had a handful of browsers shuffle through during his shift â€" but as much as he knew his internet fans would love for him to start his show on time, it was his obligation, nay, his duty to keep his business open until closing time.
Five minutes. He stifled a yawn and rearranged a display of tennis balls for the umpteenth time.
Fiction
Varyar: The Fanfic - Episode One
Nov 12th 2014
Episode One: In which Varyar Narrowly Escapes a Devil’s Threeway
He walked into the bank lobby, clad only in his Converse tennies and an adult-sized giraffe onesie. From the other side of the counter she noticed his cool shades and the lack of ring on his left finger. â€~I can help the next customer,’ she said to him in a suggestive manner.
â€~I just need a new bank card, ma’am,’ he said, not catching the meaning in her statement.