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I WILL DESTROY YOU!!!
I, DA BARK LURD, COMMAND THE ATTENTION OF THE RIVALCAST STAFF.

For months, I have observed your insolence and mockery. My advisers cajoled me into maintaining a distance, turning the other cheek, allowing the systematic impertinence to continue. This morning, those advisers were thanked for their service with a pair of designer cement shoes and a pool party in my exclusive shark tank.

I will tolerate your offensiveness no longer.

What started with the broadcasting of my dastardly exploits by your red-hatted one devolved quickly into hostile arrogance toward my followers by the girly one. These taunts added insult to injury as it was revealed how your voting platform was intentionally flawed to hand the seat for Lord of Terror over to that hack old "god," Cthulhu. That the bearded one did nothing to check his people and intone proper decorum and reverence has sealed your collective doom.

Today, I make public my vow and oath to DESTROY RIVALCAST MEDIA AND THOSE ASSOCIATED WITH IT.

But my vengeance shall be slow, and sweet. Maybe one of you shall wake one morning clean-shaven. Perhaps another will find an eight-legged friend in his bed. Or maybe I will take solace by staging another super-secret MCR concert starring myself and my Death Dealers, with each of you at the front of the totally goff mosh pit screaming in agony because you're all preps and posers. The possibilities are endless - I know your worst fears, and I will use them against you.

I already have one of your people. Soon I shall have more.

In the words of your girly one, IT'S ON.

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